i'm sorry for hating in my anger. that's all i can remember.

i want to remember the warmth i dreamt of so much . . .

i don't remember what set it off. fuel came so easy.

i can't be good for you, even if i've counted our children and realized their names.

i'm running again; too sober to sleep; too drunk to function

isabel

trinidad

i wanted a girl

chelsea

maybe name her after a muse

my joints ache, trying to curl into a ball when going to sleep

i hear colour

i feel sound

i thrash against myself

i will never hurt anyone anymore

i