i have to get out and see the sun because all these shadows make a filthy stinking smothering cloak. i'm weary of carrying this heavy cloying thing. it itches and bothers. it makes my head hurt and distracts me from other things. but i can't put it down. it holds tight, whispering to me under the cowl. that i need it. that i'm less of a person without its weight. and that no apology is powerful enough to release me from it.