After another frustrating session of getting my ass handed to me in Blacklight Retribution I started wondering why I kept playing that game even though I thoroughly suck at it. I'm mostly feeding and not really improving in any one of the weapons. I have had more success in Ghost Recon Online and have only gotten frustrated at GRO only when the team totally falls apart.
I have come to a few conclusions. I like the challenge. GRO still offers a challenge but not as strongly as Blacklight does. There are very different nuances that I have to learn. I have to know how to flank. The GRO Recon class has Oracle which lets the whole team see enemy positions on the map. In BR, everyone has that ability. This creates some very interesting ways of approaching the enemy. I've seen natural flanking occur without audio cues from team members. Seeing where the enemy is and how they're grouped together gives a team an opportunity to react or prepare.
I think its that challenge that appeals to me. This is the game I've heard the least from other players. Its the smaller, quicker maps that frustrate me the most. Its because it is more based on twitch skill and really fast flanking. Helo Deck is the most action I have had but the least effective I've been.
So much more to learn. So many possible options that I need to recognize which is the most optimal. I'm having fun but I'm starting to get scared of getting a heart attack from the frustration. LOL.
Sunday, December 01, 2013
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Friday, November 29, 2013
Microtransactions kinda screwed me over
Logged into Ghost Recon Online to check out what changes have happened to a really fun game. It turns out that now the Critical Hit rate increase I have been chasing on the default gun for the Specialist class is now gated by the weapons. And the weapons are now in classes so... I have to buy the near top tier gun, which is expensive (either with real world money or in game credits) or keep getting trounced by people who have spent on it. There must be some people who held on to their credits and bought up the weapon scale instead of what I did which was buy accessories for the default gun and worked the experience route to get more punch per hit.
My play style has been mostly creep and take out people running out of cover without backup. I have gotten told by other players that I'm a camper even though I rack a good amount of points playing how I play. Now that I'm gated from proceeding further when it comes to dealing damage; I'll have to play even more cautious. I should just take up sniper rifles and at least be hated for exactly that: camping.
My play style has been mostly creep and take out people running out of cover without backup. I have gotten told by other players that I'm a camper even though I rack a good amount of points playing how I play. Now that I'm gated from proceeding further when it comes to dealing damage; I'll have to play even more cautious. I should just take up sniper rifles and at least be hated for exactly that: camping.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Rocksmith; why you so crazy?
I bought the ESP LTD EC-10 to replace the very old and heavily modded 1979 Fender American Standard Stratocaster I traded for a brand new acoustic guitar. That old fender came with a beat up hard case, a couple of old zoom pedals (one of which was fried), an angled cable, a Fernandes tuner, and a ghost of a better life it had before landing in my hands. It looks as much as it did when I first got it. The body has a few dings and the back plate missing. The tremolo seems to have been replaced; the arm was missing. The frets had pits and the back of the neck had the finish on it falling apart. The nut used to have a locking mechanism but that's gone. And I didn't love every bit of it. I usually eat that sort of stuff up. But this time it was different. I didn't fall in love with whatever nostalgia it could have possibly given me as a geek. The guitar's soul seems to have gone passed that way before it was traded to me.
The guitar I traded it for was brand new from Yupangco (I forget the brand). A friend helped me pick one out. I just have to add; it is a very weird experience picking up a Gibson Les Paul Standard, really holding one in my hands, and learning that it cost around a hundred thousand pesos. I brought it to the office and the other guy seemed reluctant to make the trade. It may have had something to do with his offer being made out loud to anybody who could hear while we were out drinking. I guess I wasn't drunk enough at the time to realize a good deal. That was a lot of stuff for the acoustic, even though the electric looked like it was ready for the trash.
I had always wanted to learn to play an instrument and the type of music I listen to I guess would point the way of the electric guitar. I have had a couple of cheap acoustics before and have tried learning chords/tabs from the little magazines anyone could get anywhere. But I wanted something more. Something that sounded closer to what I was listening to. The Fender had enough appeal to get me through the door of practicing more than 15 minutes at a time. Well, that was until I grew tired of it. Or maybe something else took up my time. I can't remember which.
Fast forward to the release date of Rocsmith 2013, which I picked up for the PS3. I figured the old slab of wood might have another chance at seeing daylight. Gamifying guitar lessons seemed like a pretty good fit considering my current interests of reaching back to music I listened to in high school and picking up video games again. What I learned was that it was not an easy instrument to learn with. At least not this particular example. What electronics were in there had aged ungracefully. The tremolo and missing string lock made sure that it kept going out of tune when I would strum too enthusiastically. The back of the neck kept popping off bits which did not give me any assurance that I wasn't hurting the guitar.
But I liked the game. I was getting into it. I needed a new controller. I settled on the EC-10 that is a cheap Les Paul copy that was at least built to be easier to learn with. It has nothing fancy and does not give me the illusion of becoming a rock god after what the video game touts as its 'learn guitar in 60 days' or whatever it promises. What it says to me is: it won't fall apart. It wont go wildly out of tune whenever I sneeze in a different room in a house two miles away. It won't buzz and hum like I'm looking at it the wrong way (although I have to admit that single coil pickups are very 'hummy' by nature). It gives me confidence that even though I don't have talent, it will have just as much patience as I have. Maybe even more. It'll wait for me to come around and give me another chance when I want to practice again.
The game itself speaks to how I learn things. If I make a mistake; do the whole phrase again. If I get better; another layer of difficulty is added. The only song I've been able to 100% has been Blitzkrieg Bop in lead mode. The rhythm mode is still too difficult for me. Right now I'm getting into learning Say It Ain't So. The game has made it so that everytime I practice, it lasts for about an hour. Being a gadget whore, I've started looking at what I could add to my 'rig'. I only have the guitar and a Washburn Bad Dog 25R for an amp. I have been lusting at the pictures of the little Blackstar amp, Zoom multi effects pedals, or the good old Boss pedals... But no, it has to stop there. I'll live in my little fantasy land in my head while I'm practicing and leave the gadgets in the magazines.
The guitar I traded it for was brand new from Yupangco (I forget the brand). A friend helped me pick one out. I just have to add; it is a very weird experience picking up a Gibson Les Paul Standard, really holding one in my hands, and learning that it cost around a hundred thousand pesos. I brought it to the office and the other guy seemed reluctant to make the trade. It may have had something to do with his offer being made out loud to anybody who could hear while we were out drinking. I guess I wasn't drunk enough at the time to realize a good deal. That was a lot of stuff for the acoustic, even though the electric looked like it was ready for the trash.
I had always wanted to learn to play an instrument and the type of music I listen to I guess would point the way of the electric guitar. I have had a couple of cheap acoustics before and have tried learning chords/tabs from the little magazines anyone could get anywhere. But I wanted something more. Something that sounded closer to what I was listening to. The Fender had enough appeal to get me through the door of practicing more than 15 minutes at a time. Well, that was until I grew tired of it. Or maybe something else took up my time. I can't remember which.
Fast forward to the release date of Rocsmith 2013, which I picked up for the PS3. I figured the old slab of wood might have another chance at seeing daylight. Gamifying guitar lessons seemed like a pretty good fit considering my current interests of reaching back to music I listened to in high school and picking up video games again. What I learned was that it was not an easy instrument to learn with. At least not this particular example. What electronics were in there had aged ungracefully. The tremolo and missing string lock made sure that it kept going out of tune when I would strum too enthusiastically. The back of the neck kept popping off bits which did not give me any assurance that I wasn't hurting the guitar.
But I liked the game. I was getting into it. I needed a new controller. I settled on the EC-10 that is a cheap Les Paul copy that was at least built to be easier to learn with. It has nothing fancy and does not give me the illusion of becoming a rock god after what the video game touts as its 'learn guitar in 60 days' or whatever it promises. What it says to me is: it won't fall apart. It wont go wildly out of tune whenever I sneeze in a different room in a house two miles away. It won't buzz and hum like I'm looking at it the wrong way (although I have to admit that single coil pickups are very 'hummy' by nature). It gives me confidence that even though I don't have talent, it will have just as much patience as I have. Maybe even more. It'll wait for me to come around and give me another chance when I want to practice again.
The game itself speaks to how I learn things. If I make a mistake; do the whole phrase again. If I get better; another layer of difficulty is added. The only song I've been able to 100% has been Blitzkrieg Bop in lead mode. The rhythm mode is still too difficult for me. Right now I'm getting into learning Say It Ain't So. The game has made it so that everytime I practice, it lasts for about an hour. Being a gadget whore, I've started looking at what I could add to my 'rig'. I only have the guitar and a Washburn Bad Dog 25R for an amp. I have been lusting at the pictures of the little Blackstar amp, Zoom multi effects pedals, or the good old Boss pedals... But no, it has to stop there. I'll live in my little fantasy land in my head while I'm practicing and leave the gadgets in the magazines.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
This year has been full of gadget craziness for me. I've gone through several headphones before settling down on the Shure SE215s. I've bought an ESP LTD EC-10 to replace the old heavily modded and worn '79 American Fender Strat. Reminds me; I need to find someone who can do restoration work on it for me. Its a shame to sell it or throw it out but I have a feeling that it'll be very expensive to bring back to form. I haven't spent any more on the guitar, thankfully. My brother bought a PS3 early this year that unlocked my interest in video games. I always used to love plaything them but for some reason that purchase feels like it gave me permission to invest more into the system. In fact I've started buying Razer products for the desktop PC that I have. I currently play free-to-play games on it so far but the mouse and keyboard are things that can carry over if I upgrade to another system. Bought a wristwatch too; to replace the Livestrong Nike ID that I got years ago. There must be more things I've spent on, toys that I've finally given myself permission to spend on.
When I think about it, I could be filling a hole like I had been before but I'd like to think I'm at least doing a better job of it now. I used to drink so heavily before my father passed away. When we learned that his health was in decline I started to think that I should clean myself the hell up and quick. So that at least me being a drunken slob would not be the last thing he would see of me while he was still with us. But the hole was in me even before that. I don't remember what kept the depression going. I do remember thinking that being drunk as often as possible was the only way I could feel happy.
But the past few years have taught me that I needed to allow myself to be happy. I needed to accept that I deserve to be happy even though I had done some miserable things to other people. If I needed to change then I had to admit that being a drunken slob is not the correct punishment. It only makes me less able to make up for my mistakes.
Now I'm giving into my older nerd/geek self by getting myself into toys that I couldn't before. I'm still trying to wake myself up from that haze; I am convinced that I might never leave that behind, just get better at saying no to it.
The unexpected side effect of starting to be sober because of my father's failing health has been the paranoia of dying. I look a lot like my father and I got it into my head that I've seen how my life will end if I make it that long. Boom. Anxiety attacks. I don't remember having them before the drunken period of my life and they were very very scary when I started having them. I really feel for all the people who have these panic attacks that make them want to jump out of their skin because their scared of 'nothing' at all. I can't tell what my triggers are now but I have worked through it. I chose to work on it myself instead of getting professional help. I think it was mainly from embarrassment. I am better and rarely get panic attacks now. When I do, I have a system in place to get myself to calm down.
Oh; and thank God I have such a great support group with my family and friends. Without them I'm kind of convinced I would have cracked and started living on the street like the greasy crazy people we see sometimes. I'd probably be arguing with some phantom in my head. Probably about whether the seconds Star Wars trilogy deserves to exist.
I guess the only thing that hasn't gone back to normal is my writing. Maybe this will be a first step to that. Maybe the stories can start coming back, start to flow out my fingers like they used to.
Here's hoping everyone out there is doing okay too.
When I think about it, I could be filling a hole like I had been before but I'd like to think I'm at least doing a better job of it now. I used to drink so heavily before my father passed away. When we learned that his health was in decline I started to think that I should clean myself the hell up and quick. So that at least me being a drunken slob would not be the last thing he would see of me while he was still with us. But the hole was in me even before that. I don't remember what kept the depression going. I do remember thinking that being drunk as often as possible was the only way I could feel happy.
But the past few years have taught me that I needed to allow myself to be happy. I needed to accept that I deserve to be happy even though I had done some miserable things to other people. If I needed to change then I had to admit that being a drunken slob is not the correct punishment. It only makes me less able to make up for my mistakes.
Now I'm giving into my older nerd/geek self by getting myself into toys that I couldn't before. I'm still trying to wake myself up from that haze; I am convinced that I might never leave that behind, just get better at saying no to it.
The unexpected side effect of starting to be sober because of my father's failing health has been the paranoia of dying. I look a lot like my father and I got it into my head that I've seen how my life will end if I make it that long. Boom. Anxiety attacks. I don't remember having them before the drunken period of my life and they were very very scary when I started having them. I really feel for all the people who have these panic attacks that make them want to jump out of their skin because their scared of 'nothing' at all. I can't tell what my triggers are now but I have worked through it. I chose to work on it myself instead of getting professional help. I think it was mainly from embarrassment. I am better and rarely get panic attacks now. When I do, I have a system in place to get myself to calm down.
Oh; and thank God I have such a great support group with my family and friends. Without them I'm kind of convinced I would have cracked and started living on the street like the greasy crazy people we see sometimes. I'd probably be arguing with some phantom in my head. Probably about whether the seconds Star Wars trilogy deserves to exist.
I guess the only thing that hasn't gone back to normal is my writing. Maybe this will be a first step to that. Maybe the stories can start coming back, start to flow out my fingers like they used to.
Here's hoping everyone out there is doing okay too.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Frayed rope
Just heard from my brother that Tito Max passed away last night. I don't think I can go to the wake. Just thinking about it is making me a little sick. I had a hard time watching him as he looked at his brother at dad's wake. It was like watching my dad look at my dad. If I go it'll be like seeing him dead again. Its selfish, I know. But I feel like frayed rope about the whole thing. He wasn't looking good a few months ago and it had seemed like he had gotten together as much strength as he could to visit us, to visit my father. I remember him with the little mask covering his mouth, telling me that he has this tube to drain his lung. I figured the family has a physical weakness in that area. What used to be a sly - I know something you need to know - look was replaced with the same - I know what's coming - look that my father had. As I understand it, his immediate family kept it from him to keep him in high spirits. But he looked like he wasn't fooled. It reminds me of seeing headlights glare on the dark road ahead of a blind corner; you don't know what car is coming, but its coming.
I'm just not as strong as I wish I was, but I am able feel guilty for a very long time. What does that mean about who I am?
My condolences and apologies to the family.
I'm just not as strong as I wish I was, but I am able feel guilty for a very long time. What does that mean about who I am?
My condolences and apologies to the family.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Still a little lost
I may have been actively avoiding having to write here for a long time. There have been several things I have been trying to work out in my head and I didn't think that writing them down would help. Now, all I have left is this fear gnawing at me. Nothing specific, mind you, just fear creeping up once in a while. Enough of it though to make my body go crazy.
I think it might be the adverse effect of quiting smoking, cutting way down on my drinking and getting strict with my diet. I figure all those things, being overweight and high on nicotine/alcohol/food, kept me from facing the things I'm afraid of. Now that I've cleaned those things out my mind has all this free and uncluttered time to go over the dark corners. I didn't expect being sober to be such a bitch.
Don't get me wrong, it's great to have longer sections of clear headed wakefulness not limited by my body's inability to move around. I guess I wasn't ready to have all the moneters come at me. It's like they're in queue! And withdrawing while the ghosts traipse around in my head is nothing I wish on anyone. I had days when I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to kill myself or kill someone else. The biggest thing , of course, was when my father passed away. I had watched him wither away, from a strong man to someone who knew what was coming. I could see it in his eyes near the end. I could hear it in the way he talked. I felt for him. I don't think he deserved to be so scared. That I resemble him makes me scared for myself because I know that it'll happen to me too. I still wish that I could have done something to take away the fear. I guess that's the last ride that everyone has to face sooner or later.
Maybe I'll get over my fears. It might take a long time. It already feels like a very long time and its not even been a year. I have hope that things'll get better in my head. I should take up a hobby.
I think it might be the adverse effect of quiting smoking, cutting way down on my drinking and getting strict with my diet. I figure all those things, being overweight and high on nicotine/alcohol/food, kept me from facing the things I'm afraid of. Now that I've cleaned those things out my mind has all this free and uncluttered time to go over the dark corners. I didn't expect being sober to be such a bitch.
Don't get me wrong, it's great to have longer sections of clear headed wakefulness not limited by my body's inability to move around. I guess I wasn't ready to have all the moneters come at me. It's like they're in queue! And withdrawing while the ghosts traipse around in my head is nothing I wish on anyone. I had days when I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to kill myself or kill someone else. The biggest thing , of course, was when my father passed away. I had watched him wither away, from a strong man to someone who knew what was coming. I could see it in his eyes near the end. I could hear it in the way he talked. I felt for him. I don't think he deserved to be so scared. That I resemble him makes me scared for myself because I know that it'll happen to me too. I still wish that I could have done something to take away the fear. I guess that's the last ride that everyone has to face sooner or later.
Maybe I'll get over my fears. It might take a long time. It already feels like a very long time and its not even been a year. I have hope that things'll get better in my head. I should take up a hobby.
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